You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
