you win again, gameday.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
