i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
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I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
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I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
where are my eyebrows?
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