His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
