she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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