hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
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