i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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