I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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