ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
