oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
