Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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