can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
