Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
