It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
