Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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