4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
