What a fucking waste of an outfit
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
