What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
