please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
