Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
