My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
