Old men and throwing up are my life now.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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