I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
