Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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