im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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