Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you traded sex for a burrito?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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