You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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