Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
