my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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