I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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