My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
