You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
