Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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