I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
In America we eat man semen.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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