Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
