mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
