his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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