Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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