I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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