you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
