I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
