dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
