This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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