I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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