can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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