Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
