im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
