GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
