I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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