listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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