I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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