I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
