I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
