Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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