Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
