I puked a lego.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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