dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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