What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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