why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
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