how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
