i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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