Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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