the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
