update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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