what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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