It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
