Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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