I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
