he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
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She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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